Coping with Anticipatory Grief
Grief is a common emotion that many of us will experience in life. It’s a common response to a loss—whether that is a job loss, divorce, or death of someone close to us. Grief isn’t something we experience only after a loss. When we know a loved one is facing a serious illness or nearing the end of their life, we may experience what is known as anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is when you are grieving something before it happens. This could be the impending death of someone close to you, or the progression of a health condition like Alzheimer’s disease. This form of can include a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and even relief.
It’s important to recognize that this is a valid emotion—resist any attempts by yourself or someone else to dismiss it as “borrowing trouble.” Anticipatory grief can bring a mix of feelings, and all of them are valid. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re experiencing without judgment or guilt. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you process these emotions. There is no wrong way to grieve.
On a recent episode of the podcast “Speaking of Psychology,” grief expert and associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor distinguished the difference between grief and grieving.
“Grief really is that feeling that you have, the sort of intensity that just overwhelms you, and that sort of momentary experience,” she said. “Grieving, on the other hand, is the way that grief changes over time without ever actually going away. For example, the first 100 times you get knocked off your feet by that feeling of grief, that wave of grief. The 101st time, it may be just as awful, but it may also be familiar, so that now you may have some ways to comfort yourself, or you may know how to reach out to someone in that moment.”
While anticipatory grief is a natural response to an impending loss, it can be overwhelming. Here are some tips to help you cope and find comfort during this challenging time.
Stay present. Focusing on the present moment can help alleviate feelings of anxiety about the future. Spend quality time with your loved one and cherish the moments you have together. Engage in activities you both enjoy, share stories, and express your love and gratitude.
Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential during this time. Make sure to eat well, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, and engage in activities that bring you joy or relaxation. Exercise, meditation, or simply spending time in nature can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being.
Grieve in small doses. Research tells us that healthy coping mechanisms mean spending some time with our grief, then spending mental and emotional energy on other things and giving ourselves respite from grief. In psychology this approach is referred to as confronting and restoring—an important part of healthy coping.
Get help. If anticipatory grief feels too overwhelming, consider seeking the help of a counselor or therapist. A professional can guide you through your emotions, provide coping strategies, and help you navigate this difficult period.
Anticipatory grief is a normal, albeit challenging, part of life when facing impending loss. By acknowledging your feelings, staying present, seeking support, and taking care of yourself, you can find ways to cope and honor the time you have with your loved one. Remember, you’re not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this journey.
This article is not intended to replace the advice of your health care provider. Seek help if you are struggling with grief.
Source: IlluminAge with information from the American Psychological Association.
